Dear Buck Angel,
    I recently watched your It Gets Better video and you said that people could email you so I decided to. I apologize in advance if this letter is wordy and awkward. I haven’t had anybody to reach out to so I’m going to try to tell someone my story.
    In recent weeks, I’ve been very unsure of my gender. It started with some friends joking around about what would happen if I were a girl and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve had thoughts like this and cross-dressed in private since I was about nine or ten. I’m fifteen now and it’s starting to tear me apart. It’s like there are two sides of me and the boy and the girl in me are arguing with each other constantly. It makes concentrating hard and I’ve spent more time crying in the past couple weeks than I have in years.
    I am afraid.
    I am so afraid.
    I’m afraid to lose friends.
    I’m afraid of what my family will think.
    I’m afraid of what will happen.
    I am so afraid.
    I just don’t know what to do and right now it feels really good to be able to tell someone this at this moment. If you read this I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. You are a huge role model to me and I am so glad I have someone like you to look up to.
            Best Wishes, Sam

Hi Sam,

Thank you for your email. I know it must be super hard to be dealing with this at your age. I know because I did as well and it sucks. Also people just do not seem to understand us at all. So do not feel singled out there are many like you.

Please do not be afraid. I think if it is possible that you can find a counselor at school who you think might be friendly to this conversation they could at least point you to a place to get some therapy. You need to talk to someone about this so you know that it is ok to feel this way. You are very normal trust me. If your friends are really your friends then they will understand.

I am not sure how your parents are with you but if you feel close enough and trust them enough to discuss wanting to go to an LGBT counselor that would be a great start for you. Try to find a LGBT community center near where you are.

Remember you are not alone. That is why I made that video so you can know that it is ok and that I do not want someone like yourself to go through the pain I did. But I did survive and there is hope. So start with what I said above and take it one day at a time. You must learn to love yourself and know that you are an important part of the world.

I care about you my friend so stay in touch with me so I can see how your doing.

Stay strong and be proud!

Buck Angel

It Gets Better Video

My name’s S, I’m from Portugal, and I’m 28 years old.
Firstly I would like to say, you’re doing an amazing work. You’re unbelieveble!!! :)
You’ve been such an inspiration for my situation. Unfortunately, my situation is a little bit different than usual. But i have hope, I’ll be ok!
So, let me tell you, when I was 19 years old, I did a gastric Bypass to lost weight. I was obese, and after surgery I lost 150 pounds. All my life I suffered from dysmorphic disorder, because I was fat, and I didn’t accept my homossexuality.
So, I put in my head that I had to change my sex to female, to feel better with myself.
When I was 23 years old, I’ve changed to female. I did the treatment, and all surgeries in Thailand. I lived 5 years of terror. The sex change was a mistake…and I did that. I tried the suicide for three times…I didn’t know how to live as a female, because I didn’t feel as a woman. I was misdiagnosed by my psychiatrist, because I was evaluated for six months only, before the SRS. That’s not enough to diagnose gender dysphoria.
So, after these 5 years of hell, I decided ask for help. And I’m being helped by a medical team, and I’m changing to male, again.
This is an unusual situation in the world, but it happens.
I’m taking testosterone since December 2011, and I also removed the breast implants. :) Now I’m feeling much better at home. Because I don’t know how to deal with people yet. I have a little social phobia. I’m always scared of what people gonna say about me…about my appearence. You know…my brain is still receiving all the new information. But I have hope and faith I’ll be ok. One day I’ll feel much better with myself. :)
Two sex changes in one life is complicated. ahahaha… :p

I would like to keep in touch with you, if you have some advice to me. And thank you so very much for your support. You’re amazing. You’re an inspiration! Never give up from what you’re doing Buck. :)

Hugs!!!

Hi S,
Thank you so much for telling me your story. WOW what a story to tell. I am so happy that you seem to have finally found peace and where you need to be in life. Sorry you had to go through so much to get here.
I also wanted to tell you that I have received other letters very similar to yours in regards to people feeling they needed to have a sex change in order to fit in and then down the road realized they made a mistake. This is why I do stress that it is a very important choice to make and to be sure you understand the importance of this. Not to just change to fit in.
Being gay and being transsexual are two different things. I am so sorry your doctor had no clue!
There are groups out there for men like yourself so find a good support group to help with your transition.
Just remember to love yourself first and not care what other think of you. You will do fine and keep in touch with me as I would like to see how your doing.
WOOF!
Buck Angel®
Pioneering Filmmaker, Speaker, and Advocate

Q. Hey man I need to ask a question as a trans-man who has a total disconnect with his vagina how do you deal with it? Does it bother you? Do you love it? I’m not being judgmental,you just seem to be very pro-vag and I want to understand how you deal with it. My girl wants to touch it and penetrate it but I can’t handle it. I just want to rip it out of my body some days.

A.Hey buddy-I am pro loving your body and whatever that means for you. I had to learn to love my vag because I knew that I was never going to get bottom surgery and I love sex so much that it was coming between me and having good sex. I do not expect every guy like myself to embrace the vag like I do. I am just putting it out there to show that it is possible.
Some trans guys say that I am anti-bottom surgery because I embrace my vag so much. This is so very far from the truth. I think you should do what you need to do to love yourself and I wish that a trans man who has had bottom surgery would step up to the plate like I have and show the world how proud he is of his penis!
Just take it slowly my friend and try to come to terms with why you dislike your vag so much. I think that will help.

WOOF!
Buck Angel

Hi Buck, after having your hysto, are your orgasms the same when having sex? and could it be that now having had your hysto that vaginal dryness has been brought on in combo with T? I have been on my T about the same lenth of time as you and do not have any problems with my vag, in fact I have always been more moist since starting T. I have seen your postings in the past as to why you did have your hysto, but I do not wish to have mine, I feel like my womb is part of my vag and do not want to feel im disconecting it. Let me know. cheers

My hysto was due to complications with the testosterone.The dryness started way before the hysto. I am not sure what amount you use and exactly how long you have been using but the testosterone did have an effect on my estrogen which is the major player in keeping the vag healthy. Yes my orgasms are way better now but that is also because I had major cramping due to the infections and atrophy in my tubes and uterus. Now with that said I don’t think you should get a hysto unless you want to but you should talk to your doctor about doing some kind of ultrasound to have a better look at whats going on. I almost died because of the bad infection that no one knew about. Again just talk to your doctor as I can’t really give you any medical advice other than to tell you what happened to me.
Hope this helps.
WOOF
Buck

IMPORTANT info for trans men who are long-term users of testosterone. Please pass this around.

Buck Angel’s Public Service Announcement to trans men on the importance of keeping your vagina healthy by using vaginal estrogen cream if you are a long-term user of testosterone.Learn more at http://FTMhealth.com

 Accepting The Most Tantalizing Trans Film Award at the 2012 Feminist Porn Awards-for Sexing The Transman XXX. What a night!! Also thanking my buddy James Darling for his scene in the film!

Stuart Warwick-The Man with a Pussy music video. He told me that the song was inspired by me. What an amazing voice. We have since become friends. Please support his lovely work. You can check out his new album here http://www.stuartwarwick.com/

WOOF!

Buck

A Transgender Man Candidate Is Hoping to Make History-from the NY Times

These are just a few of the subjects that Mel Wymore, a candidate for City Council on the Upper West Side, brought up in an interview before addressing the elephant in the room: that, if elected, he would be the first transgender member of the Council.Read more