Dear Buck Angel,
    I recently watched your It Gets Better video and you said that people could email you so I decided to. I apologize in advance if this letter is wordy and awkward. I haven’t had anybody to reach out to so I’m going to try to tell someone my story.
    In recent weeks, I’ve been very unsure of my gender. It started with some friends joking around about what would happen if I were a girl and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve had thoughts like this and cross-dressed in private since I was about nine or ten. I’m fifteen now and it’s starting to tear me apart. It’s like there are two sides of me and the boy and the girl in me are arguing with each other constantly. It makes concentrating hard and I’ve spent more time crying in the past couple weeks than I have in years.
    I am afraid.
    I am so afraid.
    I’m afraid to lose friends.
    I’m afraid of what my family will think.
    I’m afraid of what will happen.
    I am so afraid.
    I just don’t know what to do and right now it feels really good to be able to tell someone this at this moment. If you read this I thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. You are a huge role model to me and I am so glad I have someone like you to look up to.
            Best Wishes, Sam

Hi Sam,

Thank you for your email. I know it must be super hard to be dealing with this at your age. I know because I did as well and it sucks. Also people just do not seem to understand us at all. So do not feel singled out there are many like you.

Please do not be afraid. I think if it is possible that you can find a counselor at school who you think might be friendly to this conversation they could at least point you to a place to get some therapy. You need to talk to someone about this so you know that it is ok to feel this way. You are very normal trust me. If your friends are really your friends then they will understand.

I am not sure how your parents are with you but if you feel close enough and trust them enough to discuss wanting to go to an LGBT counselor that would be a great start for you. Try to find a LGBT community center near where you are.

Remember you are not alone. That is why I made that video so you can know that it is ok and that I do not want someone like yourself to go through the pain I did. But I did survive and there is hope. So start with what I said above and take it one day at a time. You must learn to love yourself and know that you are an important part of the world.

I care about you my friend so stay in touch with me so I can see how your doing.

Stay strong and be proud!

Buck Angel

It Gets Better Video

Dear Mr. Buck,
 Hello, my name is Sam and I am a transgender teen. I just watched your “It Gets Better” video and you said we could talk to you… Well I have no support it feels like, I hate being misunderstood and no one really even tries to understand anymore. I see there are all these kids finding support in their communities but when I look around all I see are churches telling me that I’m wrong and disgusting. I can’t go to my father who is a “God fearing” minister and strong believer of so. I can’t go to my step-mom who is the same way. I tried to go to my friends but they can’t seem to understand. School is no help at all because I’m living in xxx in the heart of the bible belt and everyone here is “God’s way or the highway”. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hate this body that I am in… It doesn’t match my heart, or my mind and it’s killing me. I have cut before and I don’t want to spiral down that low again. I’ve contemplated suicide everyday for three years now and I don’t like the person I’m becoming… Please, give me some advice?

Hi Sam

Sam please don’t even think of killing yourself, that is what those who are making you feel this way want! Your a person who is normal in how you feel. If it wasn’t normal than why do so many of us feel this way?
Those people who are doing that are the ones who are not normal and full of hate.
It sucks when you don’t have a support group, I understand because I did not have one either, But I made it to become the person I wanted to and you can too. You have lots of things to live for. When you realize that things will change. Pay no attention to that crap.

Cutting sucks and I can relate as you know. But stop now. You have to focus on making yourself happy. I am very familiar with XXX . It’s not just there it is everywhere, so you need to just learn to love yourself and try to not let those people take you down.

Keep your head held high my friend things will get better with time. If it possible to find some other to talk to maybe in a FTM support group online.

Stay strong and stay in touch with me so I can see how your doing because I care about you.


Buck Angel®
Pioneering Filmmaker, Speaker, and Advocate

Dear Buck Angel

I am a 20 year old guy who moved to the U.S. 3 months ago. I lost my virginity when I hit puberty at 12. I lost it to my best friend who is a boy and had a 7 years relationship with him. I left him 2 years ago because I am afraid to tell my strict religious parents that I might be gay. currently I haven’t had sex with a guy or girl for the past 2 years and am going crazy. The country that I come from bans homosexuality and the law says that all homosexuals must go to prison to turn them straight. Sometimes I think of committing a suicide. I never had sex with a girl.

You think I should come out to my parents or should I discover myself if am gay, bi or heterosexual who had a homosexual experience ?

Regards,

Hi,

Thank you for your mail. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. Many people have to because for some reason society tells us that being different is wrong or being LGBT is wrong. Well I am telling you that they are wrong. You are totally fine. Please do not feel like killing yourself. It is not the way to deal with this. You must seek out some professional help in your area.
I am not sure if you now live in the USA but if so there are lots of great org. for you. Please watch my It Gets Better video for some info on those.
Just remember that you are OK and that you should love yourself and be strong and know this.
Find peace with yourself first and then you will know how to deal with your parents.

WOOF!
Buck Angel®
Pioneering Filmmaker, Speaker, and Advocate

“hi i hope you will read this” is the title of this email that I got. Makes me feel so upset that kids are still going through this crap.

“hi my name is a ive been transitioning now ftm for 3 years, 2 years on t. pre op. im 20 years old. ive been watching all the it gets better videos and saw yours and it makes me cry because i know it wont get better for me. im a drug addict and last year i stole a bunch of ecstacy pills got caught, got put into female prison they pointed at my genitals and laughed told me i wasnt a man. i know im a man, but i get so much shit from court they just dont understand, and im on probation for 3 years and i have a really christian probation officer who always tries to blame my crime on my transition. EVERY single time i see her she makes some rude comment on how im some kind of freak and makes me take drug tests in front of her and makes rude comments. everyday i want to kill myself but i cant get myself to do it but i know it will eventually happen. i wish my life was better i wish i could be somebody not just some criminal because that is not who i am. i want to leave this shit state  and i cant. i have a lot of passions but no motivation too presue them. im stuck in a town full of drugs addicts and i want to get out so badly but i cant, i need to save money for tops surgery, i have no job, no one will hire me cause of my background and the way i dress. they keep saying it will get better but what do i have to do to change things? ive tried so hard but i cant fix anything if anything i make everything worse. you are amazing, i wish i could be like you someday.”

This is what I sent him:

Thank you for writing me. I am sure it was not an easy email to send. You remind me a lot of myself when I was younger, I tell you that so you can see that it does get better, But you have to want it to get better. You have to get sober and realize that drugs and alcohol are not something that you can do. When you first take that step to getting your body clean that will open you mind to a clearer thought process. I know this because that’s what I did. I didn’t even start to transition until after I got clean and sober.

Please report that probation officer to someone there. You DO NOT have to deal with that crap. She works for the state and there are laws against harassment. Go to your local GBLTQ center or somewhere like that and talk to someone who can help you. You need to get some professional help. I am not a professional and think that this is the best way for you start feeling good about yourself.

I know you can do it. Just think of me when you are feeling down and remember I did it. I picked myself up from the gutter and made a great life for myself and you can too!

Please keep in touch I would like to know how your doing.

WOOF!!
Buck Angel®
Pioneering Filmmaker, Educator, and Advocate